Well, yes, it was another

magical day. I asked for it and I got it! Tomorrow will be magical too.. cause I asked for it! I helped a friend move.. and that was good.

Yes, the day was magical.. except, I didn't hear from my girlfriend all day..no email, no phone call.. but that's all right.. I will assume that she was busy. I called her this evening too... and didn't get a return call... hey..she might had been busy.. it's late now.. she probably thinks it's too late to call, that I went to bed. It could be a test.. couldn't it! Life is a test.. relationships are tests.. on going tests. All these constant on going tests....

I was talking to my ex a few days ago and she is feeling rather crowded by her partner of two years...like she did with me but only after five or more I think... my ex really liked to be independence and a little mysterious too..like not telling you where they are going.. or what they are doing.. Seems her new partner.. wants to do everything she does... I wonder does she want to wear the same things too. My ex hated that! She was mysterious then as she is now with this partner. So, guess it ain't me.. but I still love it.. she is family to me.

I'm getting accustomed to it all I think!? I still love my ex we were always great friends. We get along very well and respect each other and what we had. I guess we just understand each other so much better now...not living together..only close by..it's better...

With my new love, I am always wondering if she is analyzing my every thought and spoken word. My reasons? Then she doesn't really tell me how she feels.. that all makes it difficult at times. I feel I"m always under the micro-scope.

But, I am more easy going now since I've been reprimanded a few times.. corrected.. scolded. Well, some times I do realize I need to be corrected or scolded.. but to dredge it up over and over again.. why? People are impatient..they expect things to fail.. so set up self fulfilled prophecies.

I wonder why is everything always a test.. for what? Am I applying for a permanent position or rather is it a test to make sure there is no permanence to this deal or whatever we are.

Who knows? I've failed a few tests because she has set me up..for failure..by speaking negatively about others.. "want to come with me"? "Well, I'm not sure now.. you didn't paint a very pretty picture of them!" Well, there you are an immediate failed test! Hello, one must learn to see.. to promote.. push the positive.. not just dwell on their negative aspects. I tell her I care for her in so many words. "I don't know why?" Hey, love is a gift! Just say "Thank you"!

Oh well! Keep 'em guessing I say! She is not meeting me half way...there are no longer any sweet words like after I dis's her friends..like I said I didn't hear anything positive.. I could be getting just a little tired of it.. the games. Why are there always games to be played...these weekly tests..what for?

I have to watch what I say because I know it will come back and haunt me.. but that is part of the plan I guess, part of the ongoing game! Some people like constant struggle or drama. Why? The like a constant negative edge.. I don't! It wears on me!

Oh, and don't you like the way, you get only one chance.. see that's the set up part.. they want you to fail. Well, they don't want me very badly then.. is the way that I see it... and it could be getting old... I don't believe in struggles or working that hard.. or setting myself up for misery... I did a lot that I didn't want to do for my whole life.. and for what? You really don't get anything out of it..

so I'm pleasing myself...