Truly Magical!

Well, where should I begin? I was lonely and wanting someone who is available for a relationship and suddenly here she is. And once more, I'm ready this time around.

Yes, I guess timing is everything. You see two years ago I winked at an ad and she winked back and we discovered we have mutual friends and more - a common lover.

Well, she and I only got together one time with two of her friends which I discovered I really clicked with. I think I spent more time talking to them and not her. She and I should have gotten together on our own maybe things would have happened long before now.

But, I can't complain. You see, I had a mission to complete - which took about a total of two years.

Then several months back even - maybe a year ago I got an email from her friends mentioning a campaign or a documentary or something and I still wasn't ready I was hung up or satisfied with my afternoon lover. But, that grew old when I began to care and needed more of her. She's married.

I had a very loney weekend then by chance got another email from these two women again about another political documentary. Which, this time, I went out of my way to see so they and I could get together to discuss it. I mentioned her, have they seen her later? Is she in a relationship? Would she like to be - my thoughts are.

They emailed she was single and would be happy to hear from me. So I emailed her and she wants to see me too. We are going to make diner plans for the weekend. I'm excited.

Now grant you I haven't seen her for about two years. And only on evening then. She was fine. I wasn't! My mind was somewhere else. I thought I was a hot dog I think because I was running with younger people. I was emotionally confused. I had a ache but didn't know how to fill it. Several months later I hooked up with the married lady for afternoon sex - that went on for a while.

Now the married ladies two ex's are getting together. This should be interesting. I'm not sure if she knows I went with the married one.

I guess I had to get something out of my system is why I did it. No, that's not it. I had to complete the mission I was on for Edy. Okay, here's the story again. Way back when right after M got married are there abouts she met a woman, who had a long term partner, G. Where before you know it, married M, was messing around with partnered E. For years. Even while M was dating a nurse too. Very complex and complicated life.

Then in 2002 E died she was in her 80's. Yes, about 30 years older than M. In the fall of 2003, G died. I had always, since 1992, when my ex took me to see Ezekiel, a channeled spirit, visited a woman who channeled Ezekiel's spirit. I split with my 15 year partner L in fall of 2004 after I fell in love with a doctor. Actually, she was a angel who saved my life. A very wonderful, caring, sweet, people who say "I can't do this" when I kissed her as she innocently hugged me. Immediately I'm sure my file got a "what out for this one" stamp on it. I will love the good doctor until the day I die and beyond. Sometimes I think what takes a moment can last many lifetimes. I believe the good doctor and I probably loved in another life time but not meant to be together in this lifetime.

Anyway, I ended my long term relationship, ditched my family and moved to another state and dated a 35 year old for the summer of 05. I guess I was still getting over 05 when I had just the one concert outing with Li and her two friends so I wasn't in a relationship mood. But that Fall I talked to then hooked up with M. I had known who M was for years and there was just something about her - so I guess this mission was destiny for me; all written neatly before hand.

So I saw M for almost two years. Then I got lonely. I thought of Li and her two friends ocassionaly. Oh, I didn't finished the E and G story. Well, I believe my mission was to get M to see Ezekiel so she could speak with E and help her reunite with G. And yes, it happened. I have the tape to prove it! I just have to buy a damn tape player that works. They just don't last long and the tape door doesn't fit tight anymore.

After I met M she spoke often of E, said I reminded her of her an artist. I saw her picture she was in the service before becoming an artist. I would have liked her I know. I said to M I bet she watches over you. And another time when she spoke of E, I found myself saying and meaning it. "I think she would like to speak to you". Now you know you put those words in my mouth, don't you? And M agreed so I made an appointment for M to speak with Ezekiel. I listened to the tape it was really cool. After Ezekiel lectured M about her situation upon which M insisted she would never change - he asked her if their was someone she wished to speak to and M replies yes, E. Oh, she waits patiently pacing back and forth behind you. So Ezekiel was the middle guy between E and M's converations. M asked E are you with G? Do you get to see G? And E say no and I miss her. Ezekiel asked M what's her last name and she told him. Then Ezekiel says. "My she comes fast"! So yes, I helped get E and G reunited in the afterlife. They welded together Ezekiel described it. I pictured a beautiful loving embrace. You see G who died first couldn't fight her cancer while a year longer E did and I think G couldn't understand - why such a fight? I'm sure those two are having the time of their lives. They can go anywhere. You know I felt they were with us with M and I had sex later that evening and that was just fine with me. Our sex was especially beautiful that evening. In fact I invted them. I hope that doesn't seem weird but maybe, I thought, they can't feel the wonderful sensations there, on the otherside without being human.

So there you are I think that is why my life took a curve in 2004. And I beieve now I am receving a thank you gift from E and G for helping them get together. I believe that this relationship with Li will be beautiful, happy, loving, sharing, even steven and sexual to the soul.

You see, being with M was a listen to be learned because I have learned to appreciate Li, I think. Her life is simple - that you universe. I love simple - more time for us and why not? Thanks again universe. If you need anymore favors just let me know - only keep me well, happy, in love, wise, wealthy in the process. Make them good for me and good for you and you got a deal.

I can't wait to enjoy Li. Thanks again! No, my attitude has changed - she will be perfect, fun, loving, witty and sweet and very sexual. Yippee!

Fun and Magical Day

What a lovely magical, beautiful day! Low 80's, low humidity and crystal clear blue skies over the Midwest. I ran and kept running just observing and trying new routes. Oh, I probably ran about eight miles It was over an hour and then I walked to do errands.

I got a smoothie and sketched old buildings near the park where I sat at a picnic table in the shade. A beautiful wonderful day in the sun and an evening at the ball park with my favorite friends.

Yes, my wonderful ex and her girlfriend volunteered in the bright sunshine several weeks ago running Segway rides at a town's picnic. They signed up, took on, trained and let people ride five minutes segway rides that costs $5.00 for five minutes. They listed 53 riders! A very busy day that left them tired and burnt. They thought they got the free tickets out of sympathy for their charitable war wounds. We enjoyed the game and had a wonderful time just hanging out. I was missing my ex. Every week or so I need to visit with her and touch base. We still have that wonderful foundation. It's great to have someone to connect with and share thoughts and experiences.

It's late and I just remembered that the lawn people will start early in the morning and probably wake me up. I can't keep my eyes open any longer anyway. It's time to sleep. Good night!

My intuition

was trying to tell me me not to do the diabetes fundraiser 50 mile ride but I was undecided, bouncing back and force for the longest time. Finally, my sinuses were bothering me anyway.
And I know I can't keep up with these people. I decided not to even attend the event.

Well, besides the mileage the weather was iffy too. I was so glad I didn't go when I learn that those who this had to bear stormy weather of rain, hail and thirty miles of strong head winds and
get this, they finished still in three hours. No way. When I was thirty I did fifty in three
hours. And there were killer hills. No way. Of course I could have kick in the big guns with
Accel Gel. Whew!

If I use Accel Gel, once in a while the whey protein doesn't bother me. But let me tell you when it kicks in - it kicks in. It's not worth it though.

No. I'm becoming more conservative and I've learned to say "No".

So, I believe that my spirit guides were watching over me and trying like hell to tell me - don't do it!

You know I learned something else very spiritual about myself recently and it was clear and plain to me. My art instructor was showing me a technique of drawing where horizontal, vertical and an angle are drawn on the picture to be "copied" and the blank piece of paper to be copied to. Damn! I couldn't do it. My brain was blocked. It mechanical. Too confining.

Ezekiel, my spirit buddy, told me recently, that I have a good eye and that once I got going I would make all kinds of money. Cool! So, anyway, my instructor saw me struggle and seen me draw free hand the previous week. So, he gave me a picture and blank without the lines and I did just fine. In fact, I went to town with it. Free hand. And my picture was bigger than the original so it doesn't look like it traced. I think part of me and part of the subject should be transferred from original to the creative piece.

Anyway, it was amazing how blocked I was like four cars at a four way stop and no one could move. I'm free now. That event taught me something myself myself. He said to use my intuition and I liked that because that is the only way that I can do it anyway. I like him for an instructor.

He gave me two copies of Norman Rockwell women to draw and I liked that too. So when I got home that evening I went to town drawing. The first one although light I really liked. I'm not messing with it to make it darker because I want him to see the detail in it.

So, I have a left portrait that is giving me fits. I've already have done it twice now. So I think I'll go back to drawing the ones he gave me.

I want to read too this evening more of "Our Daily Meds" by Melody Petersen. I want to sing and play my guitar too. Last two weeks and weekends I was very busy so I am truly enjoying this solo time.

It's the way that I'm feeling!

Spiritual! This morning I woke up and before I looked at the clock I said to myself "Oh, it's nine O'clock" When I looked at the clock - it was nine O'clock on the dot 9:00 ! I knew it was going to be a magical day!

Today is a day to reflect, meditate and spend something alone with myself and my spiritual talents. They are spiritual and might I add magical.

It is cloudy and a little stormy out, cooler but still muggy. But, I particularly like this weather. It stirs my creativity. Besides if it were beautiful out I would want to be out doors.

This weekend will be a solo weekend. I've been very busy the past few weekends so feel the need to indulge in myself. To speak my thoughts. To listen to my own conversation. You see in public I noticed that more of a listener and a follower. So, rightly so, there are times I need to exert myself even if done alone. I still get my way and my thoughts expressed.

I'm good at "solo"! Some of my most magical moments are experienced while flying solo! I love it! Hm! That just made me think of the good doctor. I miss her!

Maybe one day! Think I"ll draw a portrait of her. Good practice. From a picture. I really feel creative this evening! This afternoon I sang and played my guitar for awhile. I'm trying to sound professional. It's takes practice but more than that it takes confidence and "heart"! Mostly heart! Being raised Catholic I had to get over the guilt and inferior complex principles of the church ingrained in young girl's heads, imprints for a dreaded unhappy life. We are taught to serve others. To put others first. It's painful to think that is the only way you will ever be loved - conditionally. I never felt loved for being "just" me! So I draw. I express myself! I'm better than you now!

God, I was a mess as a young adult idealizing everyone thinking they better than me. I was empty puppet of a worthless shadow. At sixty, I have finally come to get past that. Frankly, I don't give a crap what anyone thinks. If that is what it takes then so-be-it. No, really, the people that I have admired turned out to be less than myself in many ways. And now I know it's because I was not encouraged, loved or nurtured as a child. I was taught not to expect anything. Which I guess was good in a way but I don't know love. It's hard for me to acknowledge love. It's like it is impossible for me to feel that someone loves me. Just how does that feel? I love myself.

Hanging with people many times gets me (us) into jams and I have to figure the way out. I'm good at this! I do really good flying solo at my own speed and at my own talents. I get tired of trying to please, or trying to keep up with the pace of others. Couples make decision and immediately I'm out numbers. Majority rules.

I have love in my heart. I know certain people do love me. I think about them at times when I'm flying solo and I depend on that knowledge to get me out there and bring me back home again. For sure, I trust in the universe and the spirit guides who loving mark my path and guide me. It's all in their hands. I fly by intuition now. In the now! I love and treasure the moment.

Break is over. Back to the drawing board. I'm taking private drawing lessons. I love it! Last night after three hours of lesson and three hours of group drawing with model, I came home and drew a portrait of a women in a picture my instructor gave me. I did good at drawing free hand. Picture by paper on large clip board angled at 45 degrees. I draw a larger image.

My instructor via demonstration showed me the cross lines and angle line method and drawing the blocks little lines at a time. A map! His turned out a perfect duplicate. I tried it. It was awful like four cars at a four way stop and no one can decide who goes first. It was awful. I found that my brain was crippled. So, he sees this and proceed to give me the picture to draw again only this times without the traffic lines. I did good! My was larger but good and looked like the subject. My instructor was impressed. I was free and un-crippled! Oh how I rejoiced by coming home and drawing away - like magic! I've done two portraits.. now for the third. So must go!

I want to read more of "Our Daily Meds" by Melody Petersen too this evening. It's a fabulous informative read that by the way only confirms my cautious inner warning intuition regarding "sales and profits at any cost" minded drug companies. You just wouldn't believe it; or, maybe you would. For example. Let's talk "overactive bladder". It's a "created" disease because of the drug Dretol. In 1992 or so, I was waiting for a doctor's appointment and saw the poster plastered big as day on the wall stated that if you pee more than eight times a day that you have overactive bladder. I was suspect immediately. Just how stupid do they think the American public is - especially the women? For I suspect more women are taking this drug than men. The poster didn't say anything about drinking a lot of coffee or tea or soda or water, only that if you pee more than eight times a day you need drugs for an "overactive bladder". How amazing is that?

Wait! There's more! There are side affects to the active bladder drug called Dretol which are hidden and unsuspecting to the patient. Memory lost, confusion are these side effects. So, patient tells the doctor and so the doctor then prescribed a anti alzheimer's drug. When the doctor only had to take the patient off of the over active bladder drug and the symptoms would have evidently gone away. See my point? A drug causes side effects and doctors prescribe more drugs to "cover" the side effects rather than "fix" or even try to discover the problem! This is not good people!

Once more we are getting drugs made in China and it's hard telling what you are getting. So beware. I am only on page sixty of a two hundred page book so have lots more to read and report back on.

I gave therefore, I got back.

I am feeling very blessed today! For three weeks I have been taking private protrait drawing classes and today and last week my fellow artist at our local weekly gatherly immediately
after my three hour class, complimented me and said they could improvement. Cool!

Today my instructor wanted me to draw a picture from a picture. The picture and artist paper were placed side by side only he added vertical and horizontal lines and one at an angle. I couldn't do it. The lines were throwing me off. Taking a measuring stick back and forth threw me off too. I felt like there were four cars at a four way stop and no one would make the decision to go first. I was stuck! It was awful! He said me struggle and suggested another method.

He removed the lines and suggested I draw one from the other. Just look and copy. Much better. I felt the restraints had been lifted. Freedom! I did fine. My Norman Rockwell "sailor" portait was bigger but fine! He liked it. Man, I was totally stuck before and felt I broke loose. What a freeing wonderful feeling. It made me think of how young children, way back when, must have felt when teachers tried to make all left handed students write with their right hands.

I am so in my element with art and taking these private lessons has allowed me to blossom. He gave me two more copies of Norman Rockwell portraits. Two women. I just drew on this evening. Truly in free hand form. No lines. No ruler or kniting needle to measure distances for acturacy. I use my intuition (so he says). Ezekiel said. "You have a good eye". He also told me that when I began making money that I would really take off and make more money.

Well, Iam looking forward to that money making day. I'm not sure in what capacity though. I envision a sidewalk artist drawing portraits of passersby for fun and a little pocket jingle.

I think my instructor and I are in sink. He understands the female brain and the power of intuition. He was showing me drawing with the mapping lines and using a knitting needle as a scope of sorts to measure and transfer that measure on to the new "copy" of the picture. He drawings are actually the same size as the original; that is how tight his "map" is.

My pictures draw free hand were bigger. I am so please with the portrait I drew this evening of one of the ladies he gave me to draw. It's bigger than the original and no "training" lines.

I thank the universe for this talented gift. I am most grateful. I am so blessed! I am grateful for my singing and guitar playing abilities also. I'm grateful for my freedom. I ability to do yoga, swim, run, and bike decent distances. Last Sunday rode 38 miles. Two weekend before that I rode 53 niles on both Saturdays and 43 miles on both Sundays. Without pain and angry.

I am so grateful, universe, for my youthfulness and my physical abilities. My friends, My loves. Please keep them all safe and healthy and happy. I think I gave, is why I got back.

there was a moment of magic

during our bike ride today. We just passed through an intersection W brought up the rear and I before her the other two were up ahead climbing the hill. I heard W ring out "I have a flat". No actually I was bringing up the rear. Either way we were lucky in several respects.

One, shade and an overpass out of the sun. Second: A guy came along (on the organized ride) and had a pump. Third: She had two spares. The first had a hole in it by the time she was trying to pump up the second along came an organizor sag wagon. I mean we were thinking about walking to w's house about a mile away when up pulls the sag wagon guy.

W suggested two of us go and ahead to the designed restaurant we had chosen to eat our
lunch. She and I got there and within minutes I hear W call out my name.

We had a great lunch. The temperature was nearing 90 degrees and the wind was picking up promising gusts up to 30 MPH as the atmosphere heated from the afternoon sun.

It's now almost ten and it's still breezy. the forecast calls for isolated thunder storms this evening and tomorrow.

I truly enjoyed the ride today with my friends. I hope I was good company. Seems I always analyze my ego behavior afterwards. Hope I was pleasant enough after J and I split off and headed back to my car and we got lost. Seems when we hit the trail we should have gone opposite of the arrows not with them. My bad! I should have known better.

When we realized our mistake that we were heading north west instead of south east I got out my iPhone and googled for directions. That helped. It was a confusing time there for awhile. Seems she and I tacked on another eight miles to correct our mistake. She needed to be somewhere and I was just plain getting tired. It was nearing four and we had been riding since 8:30 in the morning.

Hm. Well, i just inadvertly erased a whole few paragraphs and I am too tired to try to retype what I think I just wrote. So for get it. I thank the universe for my many wonderful blessings. I hope I didn't come close to blowing my limit. I know I got slightly reckless out there at times after I took some power jell with caffiene in it. I am so grateful for my protection and youthfulness and abilities to do what I am able to do. Thank you for keeping me safe and healthy. I truly appreciate it! Thanks for my friends too, in case they forget to thank you.

Magical Skate Boarding English Bull Dog!

I love this dog! I love his spirit! He is truly magical and mystical and will stay in my heart. You see here's my theory. I believe that he is a reincarnated young boy who might have been killed skateboarding or maybe from something else but died too young just the same. I think this young boy dreamed of being famous. I think he dreamed of being so good at skateboarding that he dreamed every moment of being recognized as the best there is!

Well, he is now! As a skate boarding English Bull Dog he is totally in a class of his own and has famous as can be. And loved! Truly a one of a kind - way out of the ordinary, he moves beyong the spectrum of talent and capability. He's a miracle, a magical miracle. His face reflexes joy, pride and determination. I love the way he has two feet on the right on the board and pedals with two on the left, then hops on board and sways right and left around corners and to keep it going. He knows that if he moves his weight back and forth that it keeps him moving. I love that dog!

Saw Edy's Spirit in the CWE

It was a magical moment. And sometimes I think those moments can only happen to me when I am alone. Maybe I recognize or pay more attention without the distraction of others's voices.

I was riding from the CWE on my way to the Riverfront to meet up with friends for a ride up the trail near the river. I stopped at Einsteins to get my favorite cinnamon sticks. For a moment I was feeling disappointment because while waiting patiently in line with helmet, colorful Italian jersey (bulging pack pockets) and gloves on, I didn't see them in their usual place. I had easy view too, looking over the head of a very short, slight stout, visor capped lady about, I'd say in her 80's.

With relief in hand - my cinnamon sticks - in toll I paid and head out the door to the black rodiron tables, chairs and fense where I chained my bike. At the next table the little lady set facing me eating her bagel. I was compelled to talk to her for some reason rather than the two obviously gay guys at the table behind me. Well, for one thing they were engaged in conversation and she was sitting there alone.

I brought up the weather. It was a lovely morning, bright and crisp, after a stormy past evening and night. She was delighted and very engaging. She asked how far I was going to ride. And as I pulled away mounting my bike suggested I be careful. A few yards down the
street - it suddenly hit me "that was Edy" and I chocked up and wanted to cry - but only for a second. It was a magical moment that I carry with me today.

I know they are magical moments because my heart is lifted and duh, they feel magical!

I had a great time too meeting up with my two friends and got to get some one on one conversation with them. I appreciated T's interest in the industrial areas and how salt was being scouped from a barge and moved over our heads and loading onto tractor trailer trucks that moved forward every few minutes when the driver heard the beep.

Later on she wondered if the coal filled new alluminum train cars were headed out or coming in to have their payload transferred vis elevated conveyor onto barges. I thought perhaps since they were still sitting there they were in wait of being transferred to barges. Because if heading out they may have already been railed out of the yard. Well, it was just a gut feeling. A hunch! Sometimes my hunches work out pretty good though.

We had a great ride including a snake sighting that scared the hell out of T. I saw it first and rode slighty up ahead to head it off and scare it back into the grass, off the trail. She otherwise had no way to avoid it. It was too late and too close for her to maneuver around it. Which was another reason while, me being on the left of her, got up ahead in the left lan. The snake really had to where to go the way it was headed with tongue flashing out of all five feet of it, for there was a large concrete wall in it's way across, to my left, of the path. We probably did it a favor scaring it back into the grass. Oh he raised up and turn around quickly!

I love animals. Yesterday when I rode with others, we saw a large snapping water turtle with a crocodile tail along the trail. He was rather far from the river and the bridge. I guess with the water out slightly and the ground so saturated it is easy for them to wander further around from their normal roam.

See the spirit of Edy was magical and I guess the main magical moment of the weekend. However ,in thinking back there were actually quite a few magical moments to enjoy and treasure.

Hey, just being able to ride 43 miles on Saturday and riding 53, including a 5k run, on Sunday, it magical in itself. I am dang blessed and lucky and I know it. I have wonderful ambition, physical strength and stamima and desire. That right there is a winning attitude to health.